Like many others, after years of battling infertility and enduring numerous doctor visits, tests, needles, various procedures and surgery; we determined that what we
wanted more than anything was to be parents to a child and so began our adoption journey in April 1996. Our plans had always included a child from China in our family; we had just assumed we would have a birth child and adopt our second child from China. It
turns out that the child meant for our family was in China all along.
We worked feverishly during mid-May and June to complete our dossier by the July 1st deadline from our agency, European Adoption Consultants, so our dossier could go with the next group submitted. Everything was going great....and then, the
reorganization of the China Center for Adoption completely shut things down for a while. Our dossier was held in the US until mid-September. We still held out hope of a referral by yearend....then before Chinese New Year.....then before Easter.....and then finally we knew it would be fall 1997 before we would hear. (We were special needs since I was 34 at the time.)
I have to commend EAC for their patience with me, especially in August and September when they knew if it was Thursday, Betsy Egan would be calling. They were always very kind, even when there was no news and I just needed to hear that from a friendly voice and be assured that we really did have a dossier in China and it was not lost behind a file cabinet. As September rolled around, the agency director, Margaret promised me that we would have our referral before we left on our annual trip to China (scheduled for October 13th). We took two fun trips in September, each time leaving phone numbers with the agency so they could find us (hoping they would NEED to find us). I carried my cellular phone everywhere, we even got an answering machine at home. We didn’t want to miss THE CALL. Chris at EAC just laughed, “don’t worry Betsy, I’ll find you. I want to make the call as badly as you want to receive it.”
After we returned home from a trip to Chicago in late September, I was really depressed that we had heard no news. I called EAC and they had no information that any referrals were on the way. I gave up hope of a referral before we left.
On Tuesday, September 30, I had stopped briefly to see my sister at work and was headed across town to my husband, Pat’s office. My cell phone rang and I was sure it was Pat since he usually calls me around noon. I answer the phone and
hear a voice ask “Betsy, are you driving your car right now?” I know it’s Chris, so I say “should I pull over?” (duh!!!) and her answer was “PULL OVER RIGHT NOW!!” By this time my hands are shaking so bad, I can hardly drive anyway. And then I hear
the words, “I have your referral and she’s beautiful. She was born December 2, 1996 and is in Yangchun and has the most pinchable cheeks I’ve ever seen! Her special need is listed as calcium deficiency.”
I was in such a state of shock I couldn’t even think to ask any questions. All I could say was "oh my God, oh my God;" while wiping away tears and blowing my nose. Of course, I can’t tell Pat over the phone, so I rush over to his office. And he’s
gone!! They think he’ll be back in a couple of hours. I’m dying to tell someone the good news. I think about calling my mother, but decide that Pat has to be the first to hear. So I go home, trying to stay busy, finding Yangchun on the map, and sorting through all the baby things, finally knowing that this is really going to happen.
After lunch, Pat gets back. I tell him to get out his calendar, I have a date he needs to mark down. He wants to know what I’ve roped him into this time. I tell him to block out December 2, and he asks, what are we doing that day. And I tell him, celebrating our daughter’s first birthday. Of course, he’s in shock just like I was!! But very happy.
We were still leaving for China on October 13th and were expecting to pick up our daughter during our trip, but we didn’t know when that would be. So packing was challenging not knowing if we’d have her for one week or three. The good thing was the time went very quickly before we left. I really didn’t have time to get nervous, there was just too much to do with packing for myself, a baby, getting my business ready to close for winter, bills paid, etc... I do have to say, with each glance at the referral photo (and there were way too many to count!!!!) my heart opened more each time. By the time we left for China, I was head over heels in love with a little photo and couldn’t wait to meet the real baby.
Continue on to Part 2 of Bringing Bailee Home
THE REFERRAL
The next day, our Fed Ex envelope arrives. We open it with great anticipation, pull the photo out and we both just stand there, somewhat stunned. Starring back at us was a color photocopy of a photo of a very round faced, somewhat startled looking
baby. She had lovely, big round eyes, and a cute mouth and nose, and very spiky hair and two chins. I don’t know what we expected, but we didn’t instantly “fall in love” with her photo. Pat left immediately for a one day business trip and I was
left to ponder the photo of our daughter and get copies made. By the end of the day, I’d become very attached to her; although it was still a long way from heavy-duty mommy love.
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